Linda Liang

偶尔去到www.facebook， 看到人们在那里的留言， 个个都是去哪里玩了， 和谁party 了。 我却从来想不出来一个字。 为什么？我没有东西和他们match。我在准备30天后的律师考试， 我的生活里面只有“法学“， 杀人放火强奸偷盗什么的。 难道我说我好高兴， 今天的预测是90分？

很少有电话找我， 朋友们怕打扰我。 还有， 说什么呢？我的新鲜话题是法官A 怎样了，法官B 怎样了， 我老公听到这些就打瞌睡。。。我不抱怨， 我在做我喜欢的事， 还有点侠士深山练武的感觉。 但我知道我付出的代价：我变得好封闭了， 好郁闷了， 甚至都不知道如何社交了。 Heavenly Father, I'd better gain something by the end of this Nov. ! 我要是什么都没有得到， 那就叫惨了！

愿所有的人都活得开开心心的！

The other day I went to an Indian restaurant with a girl friend of mine. While paying at the front, we "fought". The Indian boss looked at us with a grin and took both of our cards. Obviously he understood the culture. So I asked him, do you guys (Indians) fight to pay? He said, well, yes we do, but 50% are pretending. We all laughed. Somehow it feels warm. Indian and Chinese cultures are similar in that it is easier to find the heart-felt warmth between people, it is that feeling that makes the world worth living in. I like the fighting for it indicates affection. Pursuit of such affection is pursuit of happiness.

I don't have many people to chat about stuffs. Yet, some observation strikes me so hard that I have to put out in words. Here is the first one.
Why is it that all single females are active online and exchange happiness and joys? Where are those wonderful ladies with kids and husbands? Do they get to have fun other than enjoy their wonderful kids? I wish they do. Otherwise, motherhood seems to be a dark hole.

小的时候我不是个非常快乐的孩子。 原因是我总是觉得父母不爱我。 母亲家教很严， 几乎我做的事从来都不对。 在班上拿了好成绩回来， 和弟弟的一比， 还是不够好。 记得在门缝听到父母讨论说我的小脑不够发达，和我没有任何天分。 唱歌拿奖回来， 妈妈说， 就你这嗓子。 考上一流大学， 一次考过律师资格考试， 父母的反映是： “哦， 知道了。 ”

成人后才明白， 原来是父母不想让我骄傲。 中国的传统， 做人要谦虚。 谦虚的办法是要压低自己， 看到别人的长处。 好象这么多年， 我也这么做了。 看人总是看别人的长处， 让别人高兴高兴, 觉得是我能给的最大的礼物。 自己的进步嘛？算什么？是人都能做到的。

直到今天， 我听到我自己对别人说：“我好没用！” 我自己都吓了一跳。 这么多年的努力， 我就给自己这点评语？ 我真的就不如别人吗？

想到这儿， 我觉得我应该写给我有子女的朋友：“别忘了告诉你的孩子， I am proud of you!" 你知道吗？如果有人相信他， 他的人生会大不同。 I wish!

In my freshman year in college, we started to look for love. At one seminar we attended, the lecturer put on black board this: Loves comes from loneliness.

Really? If we are hungry for love, we must admit we are lonely? Isn't it true that being lonely means weak? Unfortunately later personal experience and studies on psychology proved it. Love means constant companionship, sense of belongings and security. Years of search for love confirmed it too.

What about faith? Why do people seek for faith? Why is it that majority Americans admit they have faith, even though they don't go to Church as often as others?

My personal experience and observation led me to think that faith came from resistance to loneliness. Sometimes I have doubts for the fact that my prayers are so ignored, but I continue to pray because praying makes us stronger, warmer in heart. Isn't this implication that we are starving for unconditional and powerful love? In other word, we don't want to be alone! We want to be secured.

In my humble opinion, regardless how many people we encounter every day, deep down we feel lonesome constantly. Seeking faith is a way to seek for love, protection and guidance, a way far far from loneliness.

Let's pray. Prayers can be powerful.