The other day I went to an Indian restaurant with a girl friend of mine. While paying at the front, we "fought". The Indian boss looked at us with a grin and took both of our cards. Obviously he understood the culture. So I asked him, do you guys (Indians) fight to pay? He said, well, yes we do, but 50% are pretending. We all laughed. Somehow it feels warm. Indian and Chinese cultures are similar in that it is easier to find the heart-felt warmth between people, it is that feeling that makes the world worth living in. I like the fighting for it indicates affection. Pursuit of such affection is pursuit of happiness.

I don't have many people to chat about stuffs. Yet, some observation strikes me so hard that I have to put out in words. Here is the first one.
Why is it that all single females are active online and exchange happiness and joys? Where are those wonderful ladies with kids and husbands? Do they get to have fun other than enjoy their wonderful kids? I wish they do. Otherwise, motherhood seems to be a dark hole.

小的时候我不是个非常快乐的孩子。 原因是我总是觉得父母不爱我。 母亲家教很严， 几乎我做的事从来都不对。 在班上拿了好成绩回来， 和弟弟的一比， 还是不够好。 记得在门缝听到父母讨论说我的小脑不够发达，和我没有任何天分。 唱歌拿奖回来， 妈妈说， 就你这嗓子。 考上一流大学， 一次考过律师资格考试， 父母的反映是： “哦， 知道了。 ”

成人后才明白， 原来是父母不想让我骄傲。 中国的传统， 做人要谦虚。 谦虚的办法是要压低自己， 看到别人的长处。 好象这么多年， 我也这么做了。 看人总是看别人的长处， 让别人高兴高兴, 觉得是我能给的最大的礼物。 自己的进步嘛？算什么？是人都能做到的。

直到今天， 我听到我自己对别人说：“我好没用！” 我自己都吓了一跳。 这么多年的努力， 我就给自己这点评语？ 我真的就不如别人吗？

想到这儿， 我觉得我应该写给我有子女的朋友：“别忘了告诉你的孩子， I am proud of you!" 你知道吗？如果有人相信他， 他的人生会大不同。 I wish!

In my freshman year in college, we started to look for love. At one seminar we attended, the lecturer put on black board this: Loves comes from loneliness.

Really? If we are hungry for love, we must admit we are lonely? Isn't it true that being lonely means weak? Unfortunately later personal experience and studies on psychology proved it. Love means constant companionship, sense of belongings and security. Years of search for love confirmed it too.

What about faith? Why do people seek for faith? Why is it that majority Americans admit they have faith, even though they don't go to Church as often as others?

My personal experience and observation led me to think that faith came from resistance to loneliness. Sometimes I have doubts for the fact that my prayers are so ignored, but I continue to pray because praying makes us stronger, warmer in heart. Isn't this implication that we are starving for unconditional and powerful love? In other word, we don't want to be alone! We want to be secured.

In my humble opinion, regardless how many people we encounter every day, deep down we feel lonesome constantly. Seeking faith is a way to seek for love, protection and guidance, a way far far from loneliness.

Let's pray. Prayers can be powerful.

Dogs and Cats are both human's companion. But their personality are so different.

Dogs are so caring and loving.  Dogs love to play with you, kiss with you, or hug you. Dogs give all passion they have to you and live on your passion as well. No wonder there is a saying: The more I know people, the more I love my dog.

Cats are very different. They are very cold. They want you around but don't like to be touched. I have fed this street cat for months now. She knows when to come for a nice meal but she will never get close. It's like no matter how much love you show, she will never love you back. Cats actually remind me of some people I know, sadly.

The more I know about dogs, the more I know who to love.

在美国， 越来越多的人在家办公了。 费用是降下来了， 效率也提高了。 可是, everything comes at a price. 我们可能要付出好大的代价喔。

代价之一， 是人之间会越来越疏远。 本来同事关系是增进了解的最佳途径。 过去的朋友， 相知不管曾经多深， 因为生活没有交集， 久了也就淡了。 同事是生活中最重要的人际关系之一。 因为在家办公， 每个人就会象生活在孤岛上一样。 独自思考， 独自作业， 孤人一个。 久了， 会和抗抑郁药干上， 或者和闷酒， 抽闷烟。

代价之二， 是效率要下降。 长期单独作业， 乐趣没有了， 做事自然就没劲了。

代价之三， 是待人处事的能力要下降。 时间长了， 人会粘前顾后， 不知道在什么时候说什么好。

代价之四， 是人会因得不到温情而对世界生怨气。 看看多少人先杀众人， 后自杀就明白了。

总之， 我看到在美国多少人自吹自擂啊， 或self-denial 啊， 或不愿意面对现实啊。。。都是在家办公的孤独人士。