I met a lawyer at a picnic get-together this weekend. I always have great conversations with lawyers, especially those who came from overseas, meaning immigrant. When our subject turned to movies, he mentioned a TV show "Lip/Tuck".

I have heard of this show but to me TV show is always scary coz it does take a lot of time if I get addicted. Well, given that person is a lawyer, I decided to try it out.

This show is about Miami plastic surgeons and their daily encounters of people and situations they are in. There are two surgeons in this show, one is a strict family man who is concerned about marriage health, kids' educations and work ethics. Another one is absolutely an asshole. The latter one is absolutely charming and into chasing women. Because he is so charming, he is basically irresistable. He got all women that appear on the show.

It turns out he was hated and his car was painted Asshole, so was his boat. He treats beautiful women like shit. He was even very cruel to his partner's wife.

On the other hand, his partner is a soul searching partner and is very concerned about his work and his work ethics. He even insists on hiring a psycologist to screen their patients so that they won't help criminals to get away from being punished. Basically he is a man with a soul.

I want to believe this kind of person (males) exist in bigger numbers. You are one of them, for sure.

It’s been years since we walked out of Ivory Tower.  Unlike in 20s, the number of the years is not a proud number anymore. We have met many new people through work, business, friends…Sometimes we became excited for “oh yeah! Moments”, sometimes we tossed pillows for what have been done by certain souls, of course, even ourselves. But all in all, the turnaround time of coworkers, friends, business partners is for sure getting a lot shorter. It occurred to me  that we would be lucky if we get to work, socialize with a person for 6 months. Something gotta happen after 6 months, change of jobs, move to another places, conflicts etc, etc. Out of sight out of mind is de facto rule of thumb.

We are human being. We learn. We shield ourselves. What do you mean you would like to help? Who trust you? Of course, old fellows are way different. Some new ones too. In the meantime, getting hurt is no fun. Who doesn’t know that?!



Like one day, I couldn’t help expressing one of my thoughts: “I learned to appreciate almost everyone who has being close to me, for long or short, as long as they didn’t viciously cause problems. Things happen for good reasons. “

The response I got is: “this is immature. “ well, I am speechless.

One of my girl friends, a Chinese, so you know, called me one day with Internet questions. I told her Internet is so powerful nowadays. The biggest example is Google can find your phone numbers. She became anxious. She asked me to help to find her first love. After 20 years and two divorces, she wanted to give sincerely apology for taking him for granted. I told her to wait until the weekend because I was in the middle of work.

She went back to work too. But in not even half an hour, she called again to ask me to help. “Just 5 minutes, please. “ she begged. All right. 5 minutes. I find it hard to say no to  her. With very limited clue, just a name, not even a location, to be specific, I googled the person. One name popped up in the first few websites. “Hey, too bad too many people share one name. Here is the number. “ I told her and gave her the number. She called instantly but told me she got a hung-up. “Of course, it is 2:45 in the morning. You are lucky this one picked up the phone. “ I teased her.

In the evening, she called again to ask for landline number of this person. “I just want to try at least one more time. “ This is not the first occasion to indicate how persistent she is. 
I dug the landline number for her, thinking, just feel peaceful for the fact that at least you tried, girl. 7 oclock in the morning, while I was ready to jump into a conference call, her call cut in. She screamed at the other end of phone line: “I found him. I found him.” I felt she was jumping. Hey, you are 42 years old, young lady! I haven’t heard such real exciting laughter from anyone for a decade.  Even I closed a decent deal yesterday, it didn’t excite me a bit.

I postponed the conference call so that I could manage the water flow from my eyes. “Human heart is made of flesh. “ I recall my Mom told me once. I am not as excited as she is, but I am truly happy for her and for myself. Why for myself? At least I may not be insane for wanting true human connections, mutual respect and acknowledgment for one another’s existence. Maybe not everything is just a game. Maybe not.

I know I may not be insane that I have a loving husband yet I still want loving friends too. Maybe not.  Thank you, my true friends. Thank you, my 42 year old young lady friend.

All right, time is up. Back to work.

人在江湖的年份到了不愿数的地步了。 我们跟无数的人接触，喜怒爱乐，越来越多是过眼云烟。厚厚的面具后面是伤痕累累的心。 人越活越小心了。那天教会的两个长老来拜访我，我们提到了教会中太过表面的教友关系， 为表达我的担心和奢望，我引用了翻译版的中国新词： “有情饮水饱。”他们看着我，好象我有狂想症。

昨天我的一个朋友打电话问我电脑问题。我告诉她互联网多神奇，最明显的例子google 可以查到人的电话。 她一下变得好激动， 说她想找20年前由于赌气而失去的初恋情人。 她说她就想为当年的幼稚真诚地道个歉。 我说好嘛，但现在我没有时间。 星期一晚上到我家来，我替她在网上翻一翻。 中国的网不一定有美国的网信息多，毕竟google 总部在美国的， 对美国的信息熟。但试试不妨。

她放下电话去工作了，但不到半个小时又打过来问我可不可以现在试试。好嘛。我翻到的第一个电话是常德的人。 他的电话重复在好些网站。我给了她手机号码。她立马打过去了， 碰了一鼻子的灰。“当然啦，人家早上2：45， 接你的电话就不错了。” 我笑她。

晚上她又打过来了，叫我翻一下那个人的座机。我给了她。 我早知道她有多挚灼。 （忘了这个词怎们写， 笑嘛。）猜怎么着，他就是她要找的人。42岁的她在电话那头高兴地跳啊！ 我还是第一次听到她这么爽朗地笑。

下面怎么写？ 我无语了。妈妈跟我说过：“人心是肉做的。”我的眼里都是水。至少我知道我期盼人间能多一些真情，爱情也好，友情也好，不是我有病。

你现在在想什么？

近来曾经一度热闹的网上变得很安静。 若干次打开电脑都没有看到新的email. 连工作的email 都少了很多。 当然后者的原因我是很明白的。

这让我联想到人生百态。 我是生长在人山人海的环境中的人。自小到大从来都是有人和我同进同出。 结交了若干铁杆，见面感觉就象自家人一样。 当然也被恶心了很多次。 快乐和烦心事都来自于人。后来“成熟”了，开始经营自己的家庭和事业前途，竟然开始躲人。 躲到极限处，就躲到美国的尤他洲的logan镇。 那个地方可是地道的乡村，鸟都不下蛋。 我开心地专心了好一阵。后来搬家搬到大一点的城市，但生活方式也差不多。还是方圆几里没几个人。

3 年以后开始想念人气了。 记得去到纽约，那激动得呀。 我猜当年返城知青的心情不过如此。自打搬到福洲后，下决心在平衡生活方面下点功夫。毕竟鲁宾孙漂流的那四年不是他最开心的四年。还有我是做销售的，不用说人脉有多重要。花了很多功夫交友，文化的差异带来了很多新鲜感，也导致我的心破碎了不知多少次。 终于意识到朋友还是旧的好，文化近似的好。

朋友能交谈的东西也就那么多。真正能作成朋友的， 尤其地处地球的直径两端，剩下的多是默契。 新的人生心得或困扰因行业的不同，生活环境的大相径庭，也多半不易沟通的出来。这就变成了网络的安静和生活的平静和重复。但应少有知己沟通或人生模范或能开路的朋友，人生的道路显得窄和孤寂了很多。 自己的满腹哲理和近年来阅读得来的心理学知识也都得不到应用。不时有些伤感。

伤感归伤感。很多事都象古人说的一样可遇不可求。我们还是要不断地追求自己生存的意义和快乐。毕竟相比缺吃少穿，没有幸福的家庭和健康的身体，这是及至奢华的需求。

独自忙碌中，总偷偷祈祷，但愿一路都能有些需同路人。

Donald Trump defined Ass Hole

I went to learningAnnex Expo to listen to Donald Trump speak today. Well, after seeing his show, reading his book, Heidi (my friend ) and I knew what to expect. We expected to see how bad it could be.

Well, we went there 20 minutes before Donald Trump’s time.  This guy was selling his mentoring program for some $3800. He was applying poorly motivational skills he learned from somewhere and jumped, yelled out his success and audiences’ misery he is so sure about. Heidi and I whispered to each other and agreed that this guy definitely needs mentoring service on how to promote his own stuff. We all agreed this might be a good thing to Donald Trump that he may make Donald Trump look better in performance. How worse can it be? I was wondering.

Okay,  Here comes to Donald. Okay, looks like LearningAnnext peoplee know about Donald Trump, he is the only one that has several young girls to stand on the stage before he came in.

We all know the best ice-breaker of public speech is a joke. Obviously Donald Trump knows too. His joke is to let the guys get off the stage and leave him with the girls. Who likes to see a guy on the stage anyways. “Wait a second,” I was thinking, “What seminars am I at again?”

Alright. He started to talk now. “better make some golden points at least”. He started off gossips about rosy, corny rice. He called them pig and compared Ms. Rice with a bitch. Out of nowhere, he started to bitch about China, Japan, India. He said why can’t we tax Chinese products so that we don’t have to import so many stuff. “hello, if you haven’t heard of global economy, get a clue and do your homework! The first thing you will find out is WTO. “besides, Is your point you want to run for the election?

Okay. Finally he made a point of his own and a brutally honest one which is he only value of his speech during my stay: we were born with different levels of skills. Some of us are not made to be entreprenurer. Those who can’t handle stress better hang in with current job. Good point. I like it.

Logically he is supposed to go on to bring evidence to support this statement. Yes, he went on with one story after another. One of his example is one guy was a shmuck and went bankrupt. His wife for sure was leaving him because she was screwing around way before anyways, then he went on to say his one-year-old son was the youngest uncle in the America, one of his 95 year old guy is dating a 25 year old woman, Another genius guy is a genius but he is imconpotent… Are we talking about success here? Why do people have to pay $45 dollars, some of them are behind basic bills already, to listen to dirty gossip whlie they can do better job themselves.




We left.
 
This is extremely disrespectful. I recall in one of his books, on the way to a public speech, he asked his limo driver: “what should I talk about today?”

People are seeking for their heros, seeking for guidance, longing for his story how to get back on his own feet after almost bankrupt, how to handle pressures better..etc, etc. and all he are good at talking about is girls and gossips?

I feel bad for his young wife now. He may be successful monetarily, in his own words, he is actually miserable. He is technically a loser, a pimp.

I am totally disgusted.

Life Coach

Life coach? I have heard of this profession before. I remember thinking to myself who need life coach. There is no sit down session to collect individual information, how on the earth they know what we want and what we are going through. How on the earth they give us the just right suggestions other than big words?

Well, thanks to whoever says we need to keep our curiosity up like a kid and thanks to my friend who passionately recommend the opportunity to listen to Anthony Robbins live, I have to say, it is worthy the time and I am pleasantly surprised a person like him exists.

He started off by talking out feelings as the most basic drive of success. Wow! A man gives credit to feelings!! He went on talking about how to recondition our feelings to focus on future and take actions. In other word, life is revolving around wide dreams,  strength inside and diligence.

Salute to him. Based on his interview with thousands of people, he shared his belief for the power of belief and actions. Yes, he also stressed enough the importance of actions.

Yes, we know how important to respect others’ choice and believe them. We ignored how important to respect ourselves’ passion and strength. We felt free to doubt ourselves and admire others. At least some of us built our world based on making others’ happy and strong. We forgot we have to be strong and admirable in order to give more.

It also strikes me how precious legacy of culture is! 2 hours and half session can be summarized in one Chinese idiom: 勤能补拙 （hard work can make up a lack of talent), or 愚公移山（a stupid old man moved a mountain eventually ), or 只要主意真， 铁箍磨成针 （with the determination, a rod can be grinded into a needle).

Lastly, this event also proves one more time how essential friends are in our lives. This may be a simple favor from Heidi, my friend, but it opens a door to another world. We should be good friends to bring great things to their lives. Only through combining each others’ intelligence and opportunities, we can go far in our lives and be thoroughly happy. Money has only a small part in pursuit of happiness.