I work hard. I know how important my job is to me so I chose to do my best with my work. I work long hours, barely have time for lunch and dinner, I have no time for TV, no time for my other hobbies such as my Piano and Spanish Lesson. I have to squeeze time for exercise.

Yet, I feel something is missing. Something… Somebody told me I need a child. Maybe. Somebody told me I need a dog…Maybe. I need something to touch my heart. Something out there exciting and eco with my heart.

I was generally happy in China because I have wonderful people in touch with me, saying truth things, warm or cold, to me. Here in USA, diversity is so much fun, but the rude phone habit such as: “I will call you in a few…” even though I was wondering what will that be for, but when the phone calls are for sure not coming, I realized it was just a joke, a phrase politer than saying Goodbye. It made me feel belittled, useless…I believe it has the same aspects to others.

I need some people who share the passion with me, communicate the same value, exchange love, appreciation even hater.

In USA, it is too much to ask. It is luxury. I am lucky already to have some true wonderful friends. Most people don’t even have one coz they refuse to give. I should count my blessings.

回到美国，这时差倒得让我无以言表。 做不了正事，想想就打电话叫朋友来取礼品吧。 第一位来的是我以前的助手， 一个白人小男生。  一打开门，我禁不住说了句："Gosh!" 他奇怪地看了我一眼， 问： "What?" "Nothing. Sunshine. " 我看都不看他地说。 因为我知道他最讨厌别人说他漂亮了。 但他确实让人联想到沙滩。高大，厚实，一点都不白的皮肤。

他走后，我想到去海滩开车逛逛。 好久没有开车和听我自己的音乐了。 上了车，打开收音机，直接转到metal music. 有段时间觉得metal music 好没内涵， 吵得很。今天倒觉得蛮有活力的， 和碧绿的海陪衬得很好。 照老习惯，数着能让我赭赭赞叹的身材。 当然海滩上不是所有人的身材都完美无缺。 但大多肤色都和灿烂的阳光遥相呼应。

其实想想生活挺好的。有吃有穿有健康，美丽就在身边。 只要会欣赏美丽，快乐就在左右。 钱大爷不是决定快乐系数唯一因素呢。

My uncle died! He died from a sudden stroke.

I just learned when I was in China that he had an argument with my aunt again and went to a resort all by himself. Now he won't come back.

This is the third death in a row in our family. All 3 of them are the nicest guys who asked for nothing from others. I have seen them in family get-together but all I can remember is their smiley. Chen family has grown from 3 people in Chengdu to 37 some people and now family members have started to check out.

His death got me thinking. One, life is short. we don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. We should for sure live at present, live everyday as if it is the last day. Two, we should treat nice people as well as we can so that we won't regret one day.

I have been in Shanghai for the second time this year and this is my 7th day.

I miss home. Where is home? United States of America?

In the states, I missed people, talk, energy, honesty. I often complained I have not enough friends there. Now I am in here, with people, good ones, but I can’t wait to leave!

Something is missing to make me happy or I am just lacking of capability to be happy?

I guess it is all about balance. I am still dreaming of having more true friends in the states who I can work together with, do stuff together with…I wish I could bring my favorite people to the states, or find more like them in other color.

Or happiness is just like black pearl. It is a matter of moments. The more moments one gets, the longer of pearl chain becomes, the happier life one has.